no, he came in my armpit
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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