someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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