so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
