I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
