I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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