you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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