I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
