I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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