So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
