Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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