I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
