Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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