I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
