This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
