remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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