i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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