I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
