Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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