They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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