My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
