fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
