did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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