i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
