Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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