i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
