but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
