there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She bit a glass in half.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
