Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
