I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
