Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
