What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
