I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
