the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
