I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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