I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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