I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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