The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
