You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
