i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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