so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
