Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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