Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
