Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
