i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
