Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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