I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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