Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
