just tell him i said nine months
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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