I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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