yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
